Over the last nineteen months I have found myself on a Journey that I didn' t really want to go on. I am sure no one ever wants to go on this Journey. I have traveled places I had never imagined, valleys deeper and darker than I knew existed, starring up at mountains that seemed insurmountable. Along the way I have felt loneliness and aloneness that seemed to suffocate me, I have cried more tears than I ever believed one body could hold. This Journey I continue on is "The Journey Of Grief" It has been (as stated before) nineteen months since I Lost my wonderful husband Bob. As many of you know, it shakes you to the core of your being. I have had companions along the way, God and His faithfulness has been with me constantly, and He has provided me with , and surrounded me by amazing support. Support consisted of His word, family,(especially my kids and grand kids) friends and also a couple of very helpful books.
Learning that this is a very personal Journey, one that can't be governed by any time table, by what others may think, or any expectations that I even try to place on myself has been sometimes very hard and frustrating at best. I have had to learn a whole new trust and reliance on God. In that I have seen that, that is exactly what He wants. He wants to be my "Everything"!! Learning to recognize His blessings and His orchestration in my life on a daily bases has been incredible. I can never praise Him enough for His faithfulness!!
Gods orchestration, the scriptures, people and events that He brought into my life and of course the timing is exactly what brought me here. Writing a blog was never something that entered my thought patterns. Learning to take one step at a time,survival, and praying for my children and grandchildren was, priority most days. Writing and journaling are a couple of the things that I have always enjoyed. Journaling I continued to do through the years of Bobs illness. Writing I haven't really done for years. A blog ? Never!! As I have learned through the years, One of Gods favorite things is taking us outside the box, and way out of our comfort zone. This is definitely Him right down to the name of the Blog Page. I will share about that in a later post.
Through the over five years that my Bob was ill, our pastor and dear friend would say to me, "Karren its not what we want, its not what we are praying for, but if God chooses to take Bob home, you have to know that He has a plan for your life also." During all that time and even up until a few months ago I just thought that a plan without Bob in it didn't seem to be much of a plan (and most days I still struggle with that). Little by little, one step at a time God has begun to show me that the fog is lifting and He is and will continue to be faithful , and He will with each new step on this Journey show me His plan and His will for my life. Lamentations 3: 21-24 says, "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,for His compassion's never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him. He has proven Himself faithful, and I know His timing is perfect, so I will wait for Him.
