A Legacy

In March of 2012, I posted my first Blog, 'The Next Step On The Journey'. That would be the first and last Blog Post, for 2012. Little did I know that the journey was about to take me around several heart pounding curves that was spiraling into a valley. 

In April, 2012 my mother turned 91 years young (young she had always been). Shortly after her birthday there began to be changes in her and she needed more and more help. I had been helping her several hours a day for about a year. The middle of June, after a fall took her to the hospital, she then needed someone with her at all times. Then yet another trip to the hospital in July, brought more changes.  On July 29, just two years and eight days after God had called my dear husband home, He took my precious Mom. 

Finding myself at the beginning of that 'Grief Journey' once again was very surreal. I just wanted to run away, wanted to escape the inevitable pain. It doesn't work, however. The 'pain of grief' catches up to you. In that pain once again, I found Gods Faithfulness and His Strength, to move forward. 

My precious mom Zada, at 90

I learned so many life lessons from my precious Mom. She lived her life in a very positive way. She touched lives with her contagious laugh. The joy that she spread was a joy that came from deep inside. 'Jesus' lived in my Mom and it was so evident in her life, in her actions, in the way she loved, in the way she gave of herself. She lived her life serving Jesus, and her family. Her Family was, 'Her Crowning Glory'. Moms favorite scripture was Psalm 121. Daily, she did, as that scripture says, lifted her eyes to the mountain, her help did come from the Lord, and that is the Legacy she left us. She followed in the "Footsteps of Jesus", so we would be safe "Following In Hers".

The Next Step On The Journey

Over the last nineteen months I have found myself on a Journey that I didn' t really want to go on. I am sure no one ever wants to go on this Journey.  I have traveled places I had never imagined, valleys deeper and darker than I knew existed, starring up at mountains that seemed insurmountable. Along the way I have felt loneliness and aloneness that seemed to suffocate me, I have cried more tears than I ever believed one body could hold. This Journey I continue on is "The Journey Of Grief" It has been (as stated before) nineteen months since I Lost my wonderful husband Bob. As many of you know, it shakes you to the core of your being.  I have had companions along the way, God and His faithfulness has been with me constantly, and He has provided me with , and surrounded me by  amazing support.  Support consisted of His word, family,(especially my kids and grand kids)  friends and also a couple of very helpful books.

Learning that this is a very personal Journey, one that can't be governed by any time table, by what others may think, or any expectations that I even try to place on myself has been sometimes very hard and frustrating at best. I have had to learn a whole new trust and reliance on God. In that I have seen that, that is exactly what He wants. He wants to be my "Everything"!! Learning to recognize His blessings and His orchestration in my life on a daily bases has been incredible. I can never praise Him enough for His faithfulness!!

Gods orchestration, the scriptures, people and  events that He brought into my life and of course the timing  is exactly what brought me here. Writing a blog was never something that entered my thought patterns. Learning to take one step at a time,survival, and praying for my children and grandchildren was, priority most days. Writing and journaling are a couple of the things that I have always enjoyed. Journaling I continued to do through the years of Bobs illness. Writing I haven't really done for years.  A blog ? Never!! As I have learned through the years, One of Gods favorite things is taking us outside the box, and way out of our comfort zone. This is definitely Him right down to the name of the Blog Page. I will share about that in a later post.      

Through the over five years that my Bob was ill, our pastor and dear friend  would say to me, "Karren its not what we want, its not what we are praying for, but if God chooses to take Bob home, you have to know that He has a plan for your life also." During all that time and even up until a few months ago I just  thought that a plan without Bob in it didn't seem to be much of a plan (and most days I still struggle with that). Little by little, one step at a time God has begun to show me that the fog  is lifting and He is and will continue to be  faithful , and He will with each new step on this Journey show me His plan and His will for my life. Lamentations 3: 21-24 says, "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,for His compassion's never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him. He has proven Himself faithful, and I know His timing is perfect, so I will wait for Him.